Yesterday, on a long car ride, I felt an increasing sense of doubt. What if I won't do well? What if this isn't the career for me? What if I fail after spending so much time and money in another degree?
I kept thinking about this reoccurring dream that I constantly have. The dream is about me being in school. I have had this dream several times, usually in times of stress. I am in school and I have a full class load. Sometimes I am in high school and sometimes I am in college. Regardless of that fact, I attend all of my classes except one. I constantly forget that I have this ONE class to take on this one day at a specific time. I see it on my class list, and its in my calendar but I never attend the class. Every week, I prepare to take the class but I NEVER walk in or I just forget. Throughout the dream, I continue trying to find a way to get myself to class but it never works out. EVER! It's a really stressful dream because I think about the money I am spending for credits, my GPA being affected, and my personal perception of myself but I do nothing about it.
I know I am many steps away from starting the Accelerated BSN program and I know that I have told myself to take it "step by step." First, Anatomy and Physiology, then Chemistry and so on BUT it just seems so overwhelming and taxing. Considering that my work and financial situation is so unbalanced, I feel the sense of hurry to get it all done and get myself in a better place. Wish it was that easy.
Thanks for reading.